Writing your own vows can feel like one of the most intimate, and intimidating parts of planning your elopement. You’re not just saying “I love you,” you’re putting your story, promises, and future into words. And that’s a big deal.
As an elopement photographer, I’ve witnessed countless vows exchanged, and they never fail to make me emotional. I’ve heard vows that made everyone laugh, cry, or simply stand in silence because of how deeply they landed. So if you’re staring at a blank page wondering how to start, you’re not alone, and I’m here to help.
Here are my top vow writing tips to help you put your heart into words:
1. Start Early (Seriously!)
Don’t wait until the night before your elopement, give yourself space to let your thoughts simmer. Keep a notes app or journal handy so you can jot down memories, phrases, or promises as they come to you naturally. It can feel overwhelming at first, but having those scattered notes to look back on can help spark ideas and make the process feel much more manageable.
2. Reflect on Your Story
Think about:
- The moment you knew you loved them
- What makes your partner them
- The challenges you’ve overcome
- The quiet, everyday things you never want to take for granted
Your story is what makes your vows yours.
3. Answer a Few Key Questions
When you’re stuck, start with simple prompts:
- What do I love most about you?
- What have you taught me?
- How do I feel when I’m with you?
- What do I promise to you, not just today, but always?
You don’t have to answer them all, but even a few answers can become the bones of something beautiful.
4. Speak in Your Voice
Your vows don’t need to sound poetic or formal, unless that’s your vibe. Whether your tone is playful, emotional, or quiet and simple, speak from your voice. Don’t try to sound like someone else. If you swear a little, swear a little. If you love metaphors, use them. If you’re more matter-of-fact, own that too.
5. Include Both Past + Future
Ground your vows in your history and your hopes. You’re not just saying “I love you now,” you’re saying “I choose you, still and always.”
6. Add a Few Promises
Vows are more than a love letter, they’re a commitment. So include a few tangible promises:
- “I promise to adventure with you, even when we don’t have a plan.”
- “I promise to listen, even when it’s hard.”
- “I promise to dance with you in the kitchen until we’re old.”
These can be serious, playful, or a mix of both. Make them you.
7. Practice Reading Them Out Loud
Reading your vows out loud helps you catch the rhythm, spot any awkward phrasing, and feel how the words naturally flow. It also gives you a sense of timing, aim for about 1 to 2 minutes each.
8. Handwrite a Final Copy
Even if you typed your vows, consider handwriting the final version in vow books or on cards. It adds a personal, meaningful touch to the moment, and looks beautiful in your photos. Plus, it makes them easy to frame or hang in your home as a lasting reminder of your commitment.
9. Bring a Back-Up Copy
Tuck an extra copy in your bag, your officiant’s folder, or give one to your photographer (hey, that’s me! 🙋🏼♀️). Weather, nerves, or wind can happen, having a backup means less stress.
10. Feel What You Feel
Your vows don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be true. If you cry, shake, or laugh, let it happen. That’s what makes them yours.
At the Heart of It All, Just Remember…
You don’t need fancy words to write powerful vows, you just need to speak from your heart. Whatever you write, however you say it, your vows are already enough.
If you’re working on your vows and feeling stuck, I’m happy to help talk through ideas or moments from your story that could guide your words. It’s just one of the many things I’m here for when you elope with me.
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Want more tips for planning your elopement?
Check out my Elopement Planning Guide, or head over to my contact page to get in touch, I’d love to help you create a day that feels like home.
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